I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
