before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Enjoy the penises
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
