Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize