That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just high enough for therapy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
