Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
