And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
