I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
