Porn is love you can see.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
