Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
