will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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