and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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