All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize