Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
