There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
