I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
