we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
