I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
