The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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