Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
