sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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