U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize