the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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