I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
