He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
