I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
