good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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