someone owes me an orgasm
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize