her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
