ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
