i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
