So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize