So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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