let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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