It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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