apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
