I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
