Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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