Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
