He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
