He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
