Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My penis needs a shock collar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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