She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
