Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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