her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
