I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
