i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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