Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
