some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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