this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
