i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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