8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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