Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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