i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
