is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
