do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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