I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
