the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am available for nakedness
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
