I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sober January is a disaster.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize