My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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