he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
