i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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