my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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