Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
