Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
