marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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