Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
