So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
