...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my shit smells like andre
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
