I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
