Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
