he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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