Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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