She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
