she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
