youre lurking in front of me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
