i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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