i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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