I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
