Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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