Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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