Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We need to rekindle our bromance
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
