Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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