Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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