All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
