i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
