hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
