What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
