I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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