It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
