I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
