I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
