your parents love me but you hate me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
