I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Randomize
