On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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